Whataya Want From Me
by Lyonene
Summary: John Cena left his girlfriend and she's not entirely sure why. So she heads off on a road trip to 'get herself sorted' and figure out what needs to change, if she even wants to change. Multiple pairings, random wrestlers, the usual foul language and dram
1. Chapter 1

_A/N & Disclaimer: Yes, another story! When I have an idea/urge, I simply have to write it out. Anyways, I own nothing except Ember and then I sort of borrowed Jina. The song is by... Adam Lambert... my current musical obsession. This is the beginning to what I'm thinking will be a series, all somewhat based around songs._

**1: Whataya Want From Me?**

_Hey, slow it down whataya want from me Whataya want from me Yeah I'm afraid whataya want from me Whataya want from me _

Ember watched stonily from her perch on the windowsill as her boyfriend of three years packed his duffel bag, her pale face paler than usual; pink lips pinched into a thin line. Her brownish green eyes were rimmed in black eyeliner, smudged from her repeatedly wiping at her eyes with her fingertips.

"You're not going to say anything, are you?" He asked, staring at her from his place at their bed; stuffing socks and boxer shorts into the bag now. When she remained quiet, John Cena shook his head; wondering how anyone could be as closed off as she was. "Damn it, Em, you're just going to let me walk out that door, aren't you?"

"What do you want from me?" She finally asked, arching one black eyebrow as she stared at him; reaching for the lit cigarette that rested in the ashtray on the narrow table beside her.

"I want you to stop me, Ember!" He was so close to losing his temper, something John never did but he was so frustrated right now. He loved her, he really did, but he didn't know WHY anymore. She was a beautiful woman, but sometimes he wondered if that's all there was to her, her looks.

Not that she wasn't intelligent, because she was. She was one of the smartest people he knew, at least until it came to other humans, then she was clueless. He knew she wasn't completely heartless, she said she loved him and for the most part, he believed her. He just had a hard time understanding how… she could be the way she was.

"If you're going to leave John, you're going to leave." She said after a moment, her forehead creasing as she frowned; though that passed quickly; her face soon back to a mask of indifference. "And nothing I say will stop you."

"That's bullshit and we both know it!"

_There might have been a time When I would give myself away Oooh once upon a time I didn't give a damn But now, here we are so whataya want from me Whataya want from me _

Ember shifted so her profile was to him, staring out the window; the sounds of him packing reaching her so clearly it was like every action he did was being picked up by a microphone.

She stubbed out what was left of the Marlboro red, wrinkling her nose as she stared down at the overflowing ashtray. John never would kiss her after she smoked, he said he didn't like the taste.

John, who was packing, who was leaving her.

After two years, you would have figured she'd be better at this relationship thing and it wasn't like John wasn't easy to get along with, because he was. Alarmingly so.

But even he wasn't immune to her apparent flaws.

When he glanced at her again, expectantly, she disappointed him -and herself- by keeping her gaze steadfast, watching the rain pour down.

_Just don't give up I'm workin it out Please don't give in, I will let you down It messed me up, need a second to breathe Just keep coming around Hey, whataya want from me Whataya want from me Whataya want from me_

_She was really going to let him go, two years together meant nothing to her_, John thought; walking into the bathroom to gather up his personal things. He could hear the key tones of her cell phone and closed his eyes.

He was leaving her, and she was texting!

Ember had this THING, she was focused, but usually on one thing at a time, and her focus was usually intense. When she was with him, she was WITH him and nothing or nobody else mattered. When she was reading, she was READING and ignored the world around her until she had had enough.

And then on the other hand, she was all over the place; trying to do a million things at once, be a hundred different places all at the same time.

Nothing about this woman was normal.

And he needed some sort of normality.

_Yeah, it's plain to see (plain to see) that baby you're beautiful And there's nothing wrong with you (nothing wrong with you) It's me, I'm a freak (yeah) but thanks for lovin' me Cause you're doing it perfectly (it perfectly) _

Ember set her cell aside when John walked back out after muting it, knowing she would get back to her best friend -Jina- later. "John…" She murmured, walking up behind him.

Hesitantly, she reached up to place her hands on his broad shoulders and leaned in; resting against his back and inhaled, her eyes closing. "Please, don't go."

"Give me a reason to stay." He said again, coldly; his entire body tense.

"Because I love you."

"That's not enough anymore, Em, it's just not enough."

_There might have been a time When I would let you slip away I wouldn't even try But I think you could save my life_

"He left me."

Jina cradled the phone between her ear and shoulder; raising a finger to keep her husband silent as she listened to her friend. "Well Emmy, did he say why?" She asked sympathetically.

Steve leaned in the kitchen doorway, folding his arms over his chest and wondered just what the apparently insane Ember had done now. He had yet to meet her, but he had heard plenty.

"Because… because," Ember paused to blow her nose, the sound causing Jina to make a face. "Because I couldn't give him a reason to stay."

The fact that Ember and this John guy had lasted two years was cause for an award as far as Jina was concerned, and she made a note to tell Ember that, when she wasn't heartbroken.

Which would probably be in the morning.

_Just don't give up I'm workin' it out Please don't give in, I won't let you down It messed me up, need a second to breathe Just keep comin around Hey, whataya want from me (Whataya want from me) Whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)_

Two days after he had left, John came back.

For his furniture.

He brought his best friend Randy Orton with him, both men ignoring Ember as she pounded the keys of her laptop furiously; her eyes never leaving the screen.

She was aware of him, how could she not be? And Orton, she wanted nothing more than to hurl her coffee mug at him, but the coffee was cold; she had barely touched it. His scent filled the apartment again, causing her to close her eyes and take a deep breath.

"I'll come back for my dresser, okay?"

Startled, Ember pushed away from the table quickly; catching her heel on the wooden chair and grimaced. The realization dawned that he had already gotten most of his stuff out, wondering just where the time had gone. "Sure, sure, that's fine." She said hastily.

John just stared at her, his jaw clenched; his eyes glimmering with pain he was trying to hide. "You okay here, by yourself?"

Ember started nodding yes, but then shook her head. "John… please." She whispered, her voice cracking on 'please', she did not beg.

John closed his eyes, exhaling shakily.

_Just don't give up on me (uuuuuuh) I won't let you down No, I won't let you down (So hey) just don't give up I'm workin it out Please don't give in, I won't let you down It messed me up (It messed me up) Need a second to breathe Just keep coming around Hey, whataya want from me_

"So… I figured I'd come see you."

Jina had been preparing to settle down to watch a movie with Steve when Ember had called, knowing something was up because Ember usually only remembered to call every other month or so. Two times in four days was a record and it had actually worried the shit out of her.

When she heard her friend's 'plan', she was mildly shocked. "Hold on a sec, honey, let me get this straight… You're going to drive from West Newbury all the way to Houston, Texas?"

"Sure, why not? It'll be an adventure."

"That's a long drive, why don't you just fly?"

"I like to drive, besides… I'm going to make it a road trip, so it's not like I'll be there in the next week… Maybe next month…"

Jina groaned. "Emmy…"

"I'll call you as soon as I'm outta Newbury!"

Jina could only stare at the phone in her hand. Apparently, John hadn't taken Ember back.

_Just don't give up I'm workin' it out Please don't give in, i won't let you down It messed me up, need a second to breathe Just keep coming around Hey, whataya want from me (whataya want from me) whataya want from me (whataya want from me) whataya want from me_

"If you ever get yourself together, I'll come back. When you know what you want, Em, then I'll come back." John had promised.

Ember frowned, pulling down the visor as she pulled out onto the highway, the setting sun in her eyes. Going to visit Jina seemed like a good way to get her head on straight, clear her mind… figure out what she wanted, figure out just what it was John wanted from her.

Maybe, when she came back, she'd know.

_Whataya want from me_


	2. Chapter 2

**2: Broken Strings**

_Let me hold you for the last time  
It's the last chance to feel again  
But you broke me, now I can't feel anything_

_When I love you, it's so untrue  
I can't even convince myself  
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else_

Jina stared down at the cell phone she clutched in her hand. Upstairs, she could hear Steve in the shower, singing some song he had apparently gotten stuck in his head.

This wasn't her cell.

It was his.

He had left it sitting on the coffee table when he had come in after work, she hadn't paid the blasted thing any mind until it rang. Out of habit, she had reached for it, only to see the screen and stop.

Deb.

The incoming call was from Deb. When it beeped to signal that voice mail had been received, Jina checked it.

She had never felt the urge to invade her husband's privacy, after over five years of marriage, she trusted him completely. But something just wasn't settling well with her. The smart thing to have done would have been to simply ask him about it, but she hadn't.

Instead she had listened to the message.

"Hey honey, it's Deb, just calling to tell you I really enjoyed myself last night. Hope we can do it again soon, this time _I_ get to have _my _way with _you_." A woman's giggling voice had said.

_Oh it tears me up  
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much  
I tried to forgive but it's not enough  
To make it all okay_

_You can't play on broken strings  
You can't feel anything  
That your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real_

"So how was the game last night?"

Steve stopped chewing his steak, instead opting to go for the glass of ice water in front of his plate, taking a slow sip; his ice blue eyes meeting his wife's. "Alright I suppose, I didn't lose as much money as I thought I would." He laughed, shaking his head.

"Maybe next time, I'll go with you." She offered, glancing at him as she reached for the biscuits, offering the plate to him.

"Sure, maybe." He agreed after a moment, taking one and set it down; still staring at her.

Jina flashed him a smile.

_Oh the truth hurts and lies worse  
How can I give anymore?  
When I love you a little less than before?_

_Oh, what are we doing?  
We are turning into dust  
Playing house in the ruins of us_

"I'm headin' out, honey." Steve called, shrugging into his jean jacket and smiled when Jina walked into the hallway, eyeing her blue jean shorts and white tank top.

"Well if you'll give me a moment, I'll come with you." She said, bending down to grab her tennis shoes. "I'd love to get out of the house."

"Baby, I feel I should warn you, none of the guys are bringing their girls." Steve cautioned. "So it'll just be us guys."

"So?"

"So… guzzling beer, playin' poker… one of 'em is bound to want you to strip." Steve smirked, his eyes raking over her. "Not that I'm complainin', mind you."

It was way too obvious that he didn't want her going and Jina hid the hurt she felt, instead foregoing her shoes and stepped over to wrap her arms around him. "Alright honey, you go have fun. Tell Derek I said hi."

"I will." He murmured, bending down until their foreheads were pressed together.

"Try not to be gone too long… or I might start without you." She winked.

"Teasin' wench." He laughed as he was walking out the door.

Jina just folded her arms over her chest and watched him go; her own eyes narrowing.

_Running back through the fire  
When there's nothing left to say  
It's like chasing the very last train  
When it's too late, too late_

Their lives weren't perfect. Steve worked full time, driving a semi on local routes while Jina did a part-time stint at a local diner. They made enough to get by, enough to afford a second vehicle after they had paid off the truck and for Steve to finally get a riding lawn mower opposed to the push mower that meant at least three hours in the sun, once a week, mowing the grass on their property.

They fought just like any other couple, though afterwards, it always seemed like there hadn't been anything worth fighting about.

But for the most part, they were comfortable and content.

Or at least, that's what Jina had thought.

She racked her mind, trying to understand where she had apparently gone wrong. Just WHAT wasn't she doing, or not doing right, to keep him to home.

The sex? No, that wasn't the problem. Their sex life was definitely perfect.

Or at least, she had thought it was.

Hurt, she was hurt, her heart was broken over the thought of Steve with another woman, but she refused to cry; refused to show it. Knowing Steve the way she did, if she broke down in front of him… he'd probably wind up leaving her, just so he wouldn't have to deal with her tears.

Steve did not handle tears well, he never had.

_Oh it tears me up  
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much  
I tried to forgive but it's not enough  
To make it all okay_

_You can't play on broken strings  
You can't feel anything  
That your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real_

"So what are you going to do, Ji-ji?"

Jina sighed into the phone, sitting on the railing of the front porch; one leg propped up, the other stretched out before her; enjoying the warm sunlight. "I don't know, Emmy, I really don't."

"You love him?"

"Yes, sadly. If I didn't, this would hurt a hell lot less."

Ember snorted her agreement. "You going to leave him?"

"I don't KNOW, Ember."

"Well Ji-ji, if I were you, I'd leave him."

Sometimes Jina had to wonder just why she was friends with this woman, who had absolutely no clue about relationships to begin with. Considering Ember's boyfriend of two years had left her and Em had no idea why.

Oh yes, because they had known each other all their lives and regardless of her defect when it came to other people, Ember did have some redeeming qualities.

"YOU were just left, so don't start."

"Hey, I know John didn't leave me for cheating." Ember said calmly. "And I also know I wouldn't have stuck around if John had been cheating on me."

_Oh the truth hurts and lies worse  
How can I give anymore  
When I love you a little less than before?_

_But we're running through the fire  
When there's nothing left to say  
It's like chasing the very last train  
When we both know it's too late, too late_

What to do, what to do, that was the thought constantly on Jina's mind. Leaving wasn't so easy, she had nowhere to go, no family in Texas and she wasn't even sure where Ember was at the moment.

She couldn't ask Steve to leave, fairly certain he wouldn't even if she did, the house was something they had gone in on together, they were married after all.

But she couldn't live like this. She knew she was going to wind up confronting him, but she kept putting it off. Delaying the inevitable. Just because she knew her heart was going to break all over again when what she already knew was confirmed.

_You can't play on broken strings  
You can't feel anything  
That your heart don't want to feel  
I can't tell you something that ain't real_

_Oh the truth hurts and lies worse  
So how can I give anymore  
__When I love you a little less than before?  
Oh you know that I love you a little less than before_

"Steve?"

Steve looked up from the text message he was reading, smiling when he seen his lovely wife standing in front of him. Setting aside the phone, he reached out to place his hands on her hips; pulling in her closer and rested his head against her stomach.

Sighing quietly, Jina wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hunching over so she was wrapped all around him.

One more minute.

_Let me hold you for the last timeIt's the last chance to feel again_


	3. Chapter 3

**3. Misery**

_Shadows are fallin' all over town  
Another night and these blues got me down  
Oh, misery! I sure could use some company  
Since he's been gone I ain't been the same  
I carry the weight like an old ball and chain  
Guess, it's all meant to be for love to cause me misery_

"I don't know where it's going but… there's a connection, you know?" John had said, sounding both apologetic and happy. "Like what we had when we first met only…"

"Only she's not right there and a million miles away." Ember had replied dully.

"Exactly." John sighed. "Em, I'm always going to care for you but… But I think I fell out of love with you a long time ago. I'm sorry but… I don't see us getting back together, even if you did ever come back to Newbury."

"I'm not coming back, John." Ember had said instantly, knowing there was no way in hell she'd ever be able to set foot in West Newbury, not so long as he was there, and happy, without her. "I'll send for my stuff when I figure out what I'm going to do."

"Where are you?" He sounded concerned, a little guilty.

"No idea, someplace outside of D.C."

"Just… be careful, Ember, okay?"

"Sure."

"Promise me, Ember."

"I promise."

_Oh misery! Oh misery!  
Tell me why does my heart make a fool of me  
Seems it's my destiny  
__For love to cause me misery_

Washington D.C., capital to the land of the free and home of the brave. Ember snorted as soon as that thought crossed her mind, a cigarette dangling from her lower lip as she scanned the roadside signs.

Fueled on coffee and Red Bulls, she was still going fairly strong but experience had taught her that when a caffeine crash occurred -and they always did- she would crash and crash hard.

She needed a hotel.

Her conversation with John threatened to replay itself for the umpteenth time, causing her to scowl, her mood matched perfectly by the dreary gray clouds above.

He hadn't been IN love with her for a long time… and yet he had stayed with her, that made no sense.

But it had also gotten her thinking, evaluating her own feelings. She was a realist, definitely not into self-delusion though she had a sinking suspicion that was exactly what she was doing.

Did she love John Cena?

Yes.

Was she in love with John Cena?

That one she couldn't answer so clearly, her heart was screaming 'of course', her mind was throwing up several other answers.

Ember was miserable.

_And, oh! I've been down this road before  
With a passion that turns into pain  
__And each time I saw love walk out the door  
I swore I'd never get caught again_

Dave Bautista watched the club patrons, and he was being paid for it. He was a bouncer at one of the more 'upscale' clubs, upscale in this case meaning that the alcohol wasn't the seriously, brown bag it cheap and the leather seats were actually leather, minus the cigarette burned holes and torn sides.

Two nights ago a woman had come in, she had returned every night since. She always took a seat at the bar, away from the mirrors that hung over the liquor shelves, where she could observe.

According to Doug and Shaylee, the bartenders, she was a bit weird. She would smoke, drink screwdrivers and text on her cell phone. She had been approached a few times by various guys and simply ignored them, acted like they weren't even there, just continued with her cell phone.

Well, there always was a weird one in the bunch, Dave thought as his brown eyes scanned the dance floor; looking for any sign of trouble.

Of course there wasn't. There never was.

With everything appearing to be in order -just once, he would like to see a fight break out, just to give him something to do besides stand there and look intimidating, which he had down pat- Dave headed towards the bar.

"A-"

"Beer, big man, we know." Doug chuckled, shaking his head, already sliding one towards Dave. "Bored?"

Dave just shrugged one massive shoulder, taking a slow swallow from the longneck as he turned so his back was to the bar; leaning against the counter as he looked around.

"Here comes Madame In-Her-Own-World." Shaylee said sarcastically, shaking her head.

He watched from the corner of his eye as the woman in question made her way towards the bar. Her black hair was pulled back into a no-fuss ponytail; face devoid of any make-up, her plain jeans and tank top a bit on the underdressed side.

She immediately went for what was becoming 'her' seat, ordering her screwdriver in a low voice; eyes never leaving the cell phone in her hand.

It was a bit odd, how she had just breezed on by him, most people usually gave him a double take because of his sheer size alone.

Well, as long as she minded her own and didn't cause any problems, he didn't really care what she did while she was here.

_But ain't It true? It takes what it takes  
__And sometimes we get too smart too late  
__One more heartache for me  
Another night of misery_

Ember was more than aware of her surroundings, when she first came in at any rate. It wouldn't do to trip or something because she wasn't paying attention. But once she was settled down against the wall, an ashtray and a drink before her, all her focus went onto her Blackberry.

"Alright, I have to ask."

Ember ignored the bartender, though she couldn't help but notice the colored woman was leaning over her, popping gum noisily at that.

"What the hell is it you're doing on there night after night that you completely ignore everything and everyone around you?"

She took a sip of her screwdriver, slowly looking up and turned the screen.

"You're watching soccer?" The woman asked incredulously, her nose wrinkling. "Seriously?"

"World finals."

_Oh, oh misery, oh misery  
Tell me why does my heart make a fool of me  
Oh misery, oh misery  
__Tell me why, why, why, why, why, why does this  
__Heart make a fool of me?_

She had come into this club each night for three nights, just to drink and watch soccer, Ember figured either she was A) really sad, B) this had been what John meant by she was just… odd or C) both.

She was going with C.

She got so shit faced each night that she was always surprised when she woke up in her own bed at the motel, even more surprised that she managed to even make it out the club door of her own volition.

What was even more embarrassing… Ember actually blushed as she thought about this, keeping her eyes determinedly on the game she was trying to enjoy. She had drunk and dialed… something that was right up there on her 'don't ever do list', along with drinking and driving and driving and texting.

She had drunk dialed John.

He had seemed embarrassed enough for the both of them.

It was one of those moments she wished she couldn't remember, but she did, painfully so.

"I miss you, I'm so sorry! Please John-"

"Ember, you're drunk." John had said firmly, sounding annoyed. "You know if you were sober you'd never do this."

"John, I know what you were talkin' bout, bout me, bout how I act, bout me."

"No, you don't Em. You're so goddamn random, this is what I'm talking about!" He shouted exasperatedly.

Ember recalled flinching when she heard a woman's voice in the background asking if everything was okay, his reply had been 'it's my insane ex-girlfriend'.

"Em, get some sleep." John had said to her when he was done with the woman. "Get some sleep and don't drink anymore, you're unpredictable when you drink. You know that."

But that wasn't totally true, besides the drunk dialing, she hadn't done anything… wild, or bad. Just stumbled down the street to the motel she was booked at and passed out, well… except for the call last night she had made, THEN she had passed out.

_Seems it's my destiny  
__For love to cause misery, oh  
Misery, guess it's all meant to be  
__For love to cause me misery, oh no, yeah_

At the end of the night, when things were winding down and Dave was getting ready to go clock out, he noticed something. He had been at the bar, collecting his cash for the night when he had seen it. The 'Soccer' woman was crying.

She wasn't doing it loudly, in fact, if he hadn't even taken a second look, he wouldn't have noticed. But she was, crying silently as she stared down at the counter; tracing a long finger along the rim of her glass.

He was mildly surprised when she looked up at him; noting secondly that her eyes were very glazed over and pink.

"Hey, big man, here's your cut."

He took the money from Doug, leaning towards the other man. "Is she alright?" He murmured, gesturing towards the woman.

Doug glanced at her. "Yeah, she's fine. She'll just teeter on out of here like she always does."

Dave felt mildly alarmed at that. "She just walks out of here? Does she drive?"

"How the hell should I know?"

***

They were discussing her, even though she was drunk, that fact did penetrate her foggy mind. Grunting, Ember slapped down a bill and slid off the stool; her legs doing this funny twist and almost toppling.

After regaining her balance, she headed for the exit, careful to not walk into anything or anyone; feeling rather… self-conscious, something she wasn't used to feeling and quite frankly, she didn't like it one bit.

Who the fuck were these people to judge her? At least she wasn't coming in to hook up with some random stranger and…

"Whoa…" She lost her train of thought when she was outside, the cold night air shocking her, making her dizzy.

"I've got you."

It took her a moment to realize she had fallen backwards; tilting her head back to stare up into a blurry face. "Thanks." She tried moving her legs, to push herself back up from the half laying in the air position she was now in, being supported by a person she could not actually see very well. "What happened to your face?"

"My face?"

"Yeah, I can't see it." She began laughing and crying at the same time, sniffling loudly. "Great, I can't see your face, John! What happened to your goddamn face?!"

Dave just sighed.

_Misery_


	4. Chapter 4

**4. Cry Over Me**

_Another night sleepless  
__I don't want to feel this  
__Nothing can stop this pain  
__Trying to get to a time I forget you  
__Still tangled in yesterday_

_It's so easy for you  
__To give nothing for me  
Did you ever feel anything?_

Debra McMichael was a tall, leggy, busty, beautiful blond. She was a divorcee, with no children and a large divorce settlement. She lived in a condo in Houston, drove a BMW and pranced around in white tennis skirts and sleeveless tops, showing off her die for tan.

Jina hated this bitch with a passion.

She couldn't understand just what Steve saw in this woman, they were such polar opposites; from what Jina saw anyway.

She had confronted her husband, told him about the phone call and demanded to know what was going on. That had been… bad. Steve had exploded, literally, exploded.

Exhaling shakily, Jina recalled how his entire face and bald head had gone red, a vein throbbing furiously as he had stared up at her. He had gotten up from his chair and proceeded to destroy the house, shouting at her the entire time.

Like it was HER fault that he was seeing another woman, like SHE had been the one to do something wrong.

Jina had just watched him, not saying or doing anything; her eyes narrowed the entire time.

_I want you to cry over me  
Die over me  
__Even for a moment  
__Even for a moment_

_I want you to hurt over me  
__Feel what I feel  
__I want you to cry over, die over me  
__Baby, just for one time_

The woman's name was Ember Rennes, she was in her late twenties, she had a tattoo of a gold and black dragon taking up her entire left side with the winding around her back and then across her stomach until it damn near touched it's face on the left. She had also been dumped by her boyfriend of two years and she was still unsure why.

She was also still very drunk.

Dave had helped her to her motel room, taking the key from her before she tried giving it away to some random joe off the street. Once inside, she had immediately began shedding her clothes; starting with the tennis and worked her way up.

Which for him, was a bit uncomfortable, as her bra and panties didn't leave all that much to the imagination and he didn't want to ogle this crazy drunk woman, even if she was pretty.

Ember had somehow managed to get a pair of sweat pants on, after several failed attempts at forcing both legs through one hole, and was now sitting in a corner, staring at the half empty bottle of vodka resting between her feet. The guy who had helped her room had said his name was Dave or something, and he was just standing by the door, staring at her.

She really wished he'd go away, just incase she started crying, she did not want a perfect stranger to watch her have a private meltdown. When it seemed he wasn't going anywhere, she sighed and took a swig straight from the bottle, offering it to him.

He shook his head no.

John had left her and now she was being babysat by a man she didn't know.

But she wasn't going to cry.

_I want your heart broken  
Some sign of emotion  
Wanna see the tears tumble down_

_Show me I meant something  
And that you feel nothing  
__But your world crashing to the ground_

Every minute of their marriage replayed itself as Jina pulled away from the curb. She felt sick, and disgusted, with herself. She had actually come all this way just to check out the 'competition', snorting as she slid her sunglasses in place. There was no competition.

If that home wrecking, fake ass bitch wanted Steve, she could have him.

Jina wasn't going to be cheated on and then made to think it was her own damn fault the cheating happened. Oh HELL no, it did NOT work that way.

Hating herself for the tears that were stinging her eyes, threatening to fall, she hastily reached underneath the shades to wipe them away before they could actually slid down her cheeks. She wasn't crying, she wasn't going to shed a single damn tear over that bimbo or Steve.

If he wanted to throw away their five year marriage over a floozy… well, that was on him. It hurt like hell but she wasn't going to cry, no she was not.

"Son of a bitch…" She whispered hoarsely; feeling a sharp ache in her chest.

She wasn't going to cry…

_It's so easy for you  
To forget about me  
__Did I ever mean anything?_

_I want you to cry over me  
Die over me  
Even for a moment  
__Even for a moment_

Every personality flaw, physical defection was stark clear at the moment. Ember had pulled herself up from her position in the corner and managed to stumble into the bathroom; halting at her reflection in the mirror.

She was a selfish person; very self absorbed, she had always known that. Her needs had always come first, John's second; and she hadn't cared enough to even consider if that might be wrong.

Then there was the fact that she was probably very emotionally closed off, naturally indifferent to other's pain, masking her own. Usually. At least until she got good and liquored up, like now.

No wonder John had left her.

_I want you to hurt over me  
Feel what I feel  
__I want you to cry over, die over me  
Baby, just for one time_

_Cry, cry, cry_

"Where the hell were you?"

"Out."

Steve watched as his wife bypassed him and headed straight upstairs, not missing the manila envelope in her hand and snorted; following her. Before she had reached the second floor landing, he snatched it from her. "What's this?"

"Divorce papers. Give them back."

Shaking his head, he opened the envelope and studied them. They were all blank, just waiting for Jina's neat handwriting to fill them out. He looked into her eyes, staring at her intently. "You're really going to do this?" He asked, tapping the papers against the banister. "You're going to divorce me over a mistake?"

"She was a mistake?" Jina asked softly.

He nodded.

"Then why did you bother making that MISTAKE?"

He didn't have an answer for her.

_But did you feel something?  
Did we mean nothing at all?_

_I want you to cry over, cry over me  
__Die over me  
Even for a moment  
Even for a moment_

Ember woke up by herself, with a hellacious hangover and no signs of her mystery man, who she had thankfully not tried taking to bed. She could barely remember what he looked like; frowning as she tried, but that only made her already aching head hurt even worse.

She had asked John: "What do you want from me?"

Now she knew. A bunch of things she couldn't give him, or wouldn't.

She had loved him, but not in the way he deserved. She had loved him like… like something she owned, there was a pride in ownership; the desire to care and coddle, but at the end of the day… It hadn't been the love he had needed.

_I want you to hurt over me  
__Feel what I feel  
Even for a moment  
__Oh, why can't you just cry over, die over me_

_Baby, why can't you hurt like I do  
__Like I hurt over you  
__Can't you cry over, die over me  
__Baby, just for one time_

"I don't know if I'm fillin' these out right."

Ember laughed, exhaling smoke right into the mouth piece of the phone, much to Jina's annoyance. "Just follow the instructions, Ji-ji."

"I AM, Emmy, but its… weird."

"Is it weird or are you just having trouble because they're divorce papers?"

Jina was silent for a long while.

Patiently, Ember waited.

_I want you to cry over, die over me  
__Baby, want you to fall on your knees  
__Baby, crawl back to me  
Want you to cry over, die over me  
__Baby, just one time_

_Cry, cry, cry_


	5. Chapter 5

**5. Like A Boy**

_Pull up your pants/ Just like 'em/ Take out the trash/ Just like 'em  
Getting your cash like him/ Fast like him/ Girl you wanna act like he did_

_I'm talkin' bout/ Security codes on everything/ Vibrate so your phone don't ring  
A joint account/ And another one he don't know about_

"Bitch, you keep eatin' them pancakes and you're going to turn INTO a pancake."

"Yeah, and when I do, you can just shut the hell up and eat me."

Jina shook her head and just listened to the pair go back and forth. The pair being two co-workers, Rafe and Krys, both who used shortened variations of their names and both who were very gay.

Rafe wore his black hair long, diamond earrings and more eyeliner than Jina ever considered. He was also openly gay and spoke like… well, nobody she knew.

Krys kept her light brown cut short and spiky, which only accented her elfin face and avoided make-up; which left her with a relatively clear complexion that most women would kill for. Beaters and baggy jeans, she even walked with a swagger.

"Yeah, I'll eat you." Rafe snorted, tapping cigarette ash into Krys' pancakes. "With ketchup to hide the nasty flavor."

And on that cue… Jina was officially ending her break.

_Wish we could switch up the roles/ And I could be that/ Tell you I love you  
But when you call I never get back/ Would you ask them questions like me?  
Like where you be at?/ Cause I'm out 4 in the morning  
On the corner rolling/ Doing my own thing_

_What if I/ Had a thing on the side/ Made you cry/ Would the rules change up  
Or would they still apply/ If I, played you like a toy/ Sometimes I wish I could act like a boy_

"One of these days, I'm just gonna cap that bitch, Rafe." Krys mimed shooting something with her fingers as she and Jina walked out to the small back parking lot for employees. Snorting, she rifled in her pockets until she had produced a cigar with a plastic tip; ignoring Jina's wrinkled nose as she lit it. "I noticed Steve didn't come in for his after work cup of coffee."

"We're separated."

"What? Bullshit."

"No, we are." Jina shook her head, the thick soles of her ugly white tennis shoes slapping on the cement with each step. "I found out he was… cheating on me…"

"Oh damn!" Krys nearly dropped her cigar in surprise, halting in order to gape instead. "Yo, Rafe!"

Jina groaned, regretting ever saying anything to Krys. She actually considered the… very strange… woman a friend, but she was just so… LOUD.

"What's up, girlfriend?" Rafe was busy pulling his hair out of it's ponytail, shaking it loose and feathering it with his fingers. He listened as Krys told him what Jina had told her, his eyeliner enhanced blue eyes widening. "Oh no, he did NOT!"

Pinching the bridge of her nose, Jina nodded.

"With who?"

"Debra McMichael."

"That nasty blond snatch?" Rafe wrinkled his nose, a shudder rippling through him. "I always gave that handsome hubby of yours more credit in taste."

"Gee, thanks."

_Can't be getting mad/ What you mad/ Can't handle that  
Can't be getting mad/ What you mad/ Can't handle that_

_Girl go ahead and be/ Just like 'em/ Go run the streets/ Just like 'em/ Go home missin' sleep  
Like 'em, creep like 'em/ Front with ya friends/ Act hard when you're with 'em, like 'em  
Keep a straight face when ya tell a lie/ Always keep an airtight alibi/ Keep him in the dark  
What he don't know won't break his heart_

"Where the hell you going?"

Jina was in the process of stuffing her purse, glancing at Steve without interest. "Out." She said in a monotone, turning her back to him and glanced into the mirror that adorned their hallway wall.

She was actually taking Krys and Rafe's advice to 'act like a man', and she could not believe she was doing it either. Krys had flat out told her 'unless you want that worthless ass stepping all over you, you show him you got a set of balls bigger 'n his'. Rafe had, as a male -gay or not-, confirmed this theory.

And since she really didn't have anything better to do or any other options, Jina was going with it. Ember had told her to move her ass out of the house or kick him out, but neither option was working. It was THEIR house, and she didn't have anywhere else to go.

Steve obviously did, but he said he was 'trying to work things out'.

Jina did not want to work shit out with him, the cheating son of a bitch.

"When you going to be back? Who you going with?"

"Whenever I get back and it's none of your damn business who I'm going with." She replied, snorting and narrowed her eyes at him through the mirror as she applied a coat of blood red lipstick. "Problem with that?"

"Yeah, actually, there is." He folded his arms over his chest, surveying his wife's little black dress and 'I'm gonna get some' black stilettos. "You look like you're goin' out catting."

"Oh damn!" She snapped her fingers mockingly. "I sure as hell would NOT want that!"

_Wish we could switch up the roles/ And I could be that/ Tell you I love you/ But when you call I never get back  
Would you ask them questions like me/ Like where you be at/ Cause I'm out 4 in the morning  
__On the corner rolling/ Doing my own thing_

_What if I Had a thing on the side/ Made you cry/ __Would the rules change up/ Or would they still apply  
__If I played you like a toy/ Sometimes I wish I could act like a boy_

"So lemme get this straight, you opened your own bank account… went out with another woman on a date-"

"It wasn't a date."

"A date," Ember continued as if she hadn't been interrupted, sounding amused. "Started keeping passwords on all your shit… Steve has GOT to be pissed."

"Fuck him, now he knows how I feel."

"Well hell, if I knew you swung for the home team, sweetie."

"Emmy," Jina gritted her teeth, suffering one hell of a hangover after hitting a club with Rafe and Krys -which had truly been a very educational experience but one she wasn't sure she'd ever do again. "I am very, very straight, I assure you. I'm just… acting like a man would."

"I noticed. How's it working for you?"

"You know… I kind of like it." She confessed, popping two aspirin and washed them down with a swig from her coffee mug; keeping the phone cradled to her ear. "I mean, I don't worry about what he's going to say or do, I just do my own thing. Why the hell not? He did."

"I bet you ANYTHING, Steve is kicking himself in the ass right about now."

"I wouldn't know, I haven't seen him in two days. When he found out I pulled the majority of the money from our joint account, he flipped out."

"You didn't!"

"Oh hell yes I did. He's been withdrawing small amounts for months now but I never asked, sixty here, a hundred there, I always figured it was for his poker game. Now I know better, don't I?"

"You're bad girl, very, very bad."

_Can't be getting mad/ What you mad/ Can't handle that_

_If I was always gone/ With the sun getting home/ Would you like that/ Told you I was with my crew/ When I knew it wasn't true  
Would you like that/ If I act like you/ Walk a mile off in your shoes/ Would you like that  
I'm messing with your head again/ Dose of your own medicine_

"She withdrew over two fucking thousand dollars! What the hell am I supposed to do now? That was our savin's!"

Debra winced as one of her favorite knickknacks -white porcelain kitten- went flying and pushed herself off her pristine white couch, walking over to run her hands over his broad shoulders. "Now you calm on down, honey." She crooned, kissing the back of his neck, feeling how tense he was. "If you go blowin' up on her, she's gonna use it against you in the divorce."

Steve just tensed even more, his face slowly turning red.

There wasn't going to be any goddamn divorce.

_What if I/ Had a thing on the side/ Made you cry/ Would the rules change up/ Or would they still apply  
If I played you like a toy/ Sometimes I wish I could act like a boy_

_Can't be getting mad/ What you mad/ Can't handle that_

"Where the HELL were you last night, Jina!"

Everyone in the diner stopped what they were doing to look at the tall, muscular, bald and thoroughly pissed off man who was bellowing at one of the waitresses.

To her credit, Jina didn't look flustered, she merely finished serving her customers with a warm smile. "Coke, no ice for you, Sir. And a sweet tea with lemon for you, ma'am. If there's anything else you-" She didn't get to finish as Steve grabbed her by the forearm and jerked her away. "Get your hands off of me!"

Ignoring her and everyone else, he dragged her into the back; shooting the owner of the diner -Diane- a dirty look when she went to intervene.

Diane, being somewhat… old, backed off.

"Oh hell no, bitch boy did not just put his hands on my girl…" Rafe cursed from behind the counter, beginning to take off his luridly pink apron.

Krys placed a hand on his shoulder and shook her head no, pressing a finger to her lips.

Everyone was listening to the screaming coming from the office.

"YOU WERE WITH THAT LESBIAN BITCH!"

That was followed by a loud SLAP that made most of the patrons flinch.

"Oh my…" Diane was waving her hands in front of her face, looking torn between listening in and calling the police.

"Don't you talk about my friend like that!"

"She's one of them homos, Jina! You're turning into-"

Another slap.

Rafe and Krys exchanged smirks.

Jina came storming out of the office, looking flustered. Steve was trailing behind her, the left side of his face a bright; angry red. "For your information, I was not with Kyrstalline!"

When Steve shot her a dirty look, Krys leered at him. "As much as I wish it weren't true, it is. Your fine ass wifey wasn't with me."

"Then where the hell were ya?"

"With me."

All eyes turned to see who had said that.

"Oh my sweet Lord…" Rafe whispered, checking for drool. "I just wanna…"

Krys had to shove him back into the freeze when he began backing his ass up on her.

Mark Calaway was standing just inside the diner looking mildly amused as he stared at Steve, one black eyebrow arched as if daring the other man to say something. "Jina crashed on my couch last night because she was too drunk to drive, I confiscated her keys."

As he was the owner of one of the most popular bars/clubs in town… and it was his practice to snag keys from drunks, nobody contested this.

Not even Steve.

Or Jina, who had actually spent the night with Rafe, trying to make her face fall into a calm expression, as if this wasn't something new to her.

_If I played you/ Would you like that/ Had friends/ Would you like that/ Another car/ Would you like that  
Hell naw/ You wouldn't like that/ No_

_What if I, made you cry/ Would they still apply/ What if I  
If I played you like a toy/ Sometimes I wish I could act like a boy_


	6. Chapter 6

**6. Don't Look At Me**

_You can try, I don't care  
Forcing circles into squares  
__You can spend precious time  
__Marching in your perfect line  
__But I don't hear that drum  
__I'm looking for something else_

Now that she seemingly had perspective on her relationship with John, Ember was ready to move on. Both emotionally, spiritually and very physically. D.C. was a great place, if one chose to overlook certain grimy aspects of it, but she was ready for a new adventure.

One that preferably didn't end with her needing some stranger's help in getting back to her hotel room, or gushing all over him.

That thought still made her cringe.

She was ready to be Ember again, it wasn't like she really had to tone herself down for a significant other anymore, now did she?

After a leisurely late breakfast -late being about two in the afternoon but pancakes, sausage and eggs just sounded so good- and a minimum of two cappuccinos, she was ready to go.

Naturally, she had no destination in mind. Eventually, she would wind up in Texas, and it seemed like Ji-ji had things well in hand with her divorce. That brought a mad giggle forth from her, thinking about Jina tormenting her soon to be ex-husband, the deliciously evil woman.

But first… she had to go apologize and then thank someone.

_And if you don't like what you see  
__You don't have to look at me  
__If you don't like what I say  
__You can turn the other way  
__If you don't like what you see  
__Then don't look at me_

Dave had not expected to see Ember Rennes ever again, at least, not if she remembered what had happened, and who had gotten her safely back to her motel room; and then stuck around to make sure she was alright.

Since he wasn't expecting to ever see again, he had put her out of mind and not given the woman another thought.

At least until she showed up on his doorstep.

It was his day off, which he had planned to spend inside, watching the television and just relaxing. Maybe with a bag of chips and a few beers. He was already comfortable, in just a pair of cut-off sweat pants that were now shorts, hugging his muscular thighs.

Which made her take a quick look, one she didn't bother hiding, an amused smile on her face. She cleared her throat and looked back up at him, his face more directly, her eyes devoid of any sign that only the night before she had been plastered. "Hi."

"Hello." He returned flatly, still a bit… confused.

She stuck out her hand in a matter of fact way. "I'm Ember Rennes, Emmy to my friends and '_that sad bitch_' to the people who go out of their way to help me."

Her self-deprecating humor, infused with a humorous albeit sarcastic tone brought a half-smile to his own lips. "David Bautista, ah… everyone just calls me Dave."

"David, then. I stopped by the bar but… they said you had today off so… I bribed the bartender into giving me your home address."

She was a brazen little thing, he thought, arching one eyebrow. "I see."

If his lack of response or lack of emotional display phased her, she didn't show it. "I just wanted to thank you, for last night. And to apologize, I'm usually a much more fun and entertaining drunk than that."

"You don't have to-"

"And you didn't have to help me either." She interrupted. "I just wanted… to say thank you, again."

Dave studied her thoughtfully, perusing her just as blatantly as she had done to him, to give himself time to think. Sometimes, responding slowly left the impression that he was dull-witted or stupid, but he was anything but. He was just a silent, reflective man.

In contrast to the plain jeans and tank tops he had been accustomed to seeing her wear, she was sporting purple, green and black plaid capris, green flip flops and a black baby tee shirt with some kind of symbol on it in green.

Make-up was another thing, he had never seen her wear it. Today it appeared she had gone all out Halloween style. Black lipstick, her eyes rimmed almost violently in purple; her eyelashes were either fake or heavily doctored with mascara, he had no idea which.

And all the jewelry… he could easily see a dozen piercing divided between her ears, a stud in her nose and another through her chin.

Ember's black painted lips were curved upwards in a resigned, somewhat amused little smile as she patiently waited under his scrutiny.

If he didn't like what he seen, then he didn't need to look at her.

_Add it up, count me out  
__I'm taking a different route  
__I did not mean to offend  
__Before I broke I chose to mend  
__So I'll be on my way  
__I have nothing left to say_

If anyone had told Dave Bautista that after spending one day with some strange, very strange, woman that he had met trying to give away her room keys while seriously drunk, he would find on some level he liked her, definitely found her interesting if not a bit… odd, he would have probably assumed the person telling him had been drunk too.

As it was, by the time Ember left, it was nearing midnight and she had said that she needed to 'hit the road', she had places to go, new people to meet and 'hopefully, not get too drunk with'.

He had asked if she even knew where she was going.

Her answer had been somewhat charming in the way she had said it: "What would the fun in that be?"

Ember had left him with an email address -he didn't own a computer- and a lot of thinking to do.

_But if you don't like what you see  
__You don't have to look at me  
__If you don't like what I say  
__You can turn the other way  
__If you don't like what you see  
__Then don't look at me_

North Carolina… was beautiful, well, parts of it anyway.

Ember had taken a zigzag route, stopped several times and encountered three police, talking her way out of three tickets. It was interesting to say the least. She had also taken to sleeping in her car, and not for a lack of money, but simply because unpacking it to spend a night in a real bed seemed like a complete waste of time.

Then she got a bit lost…

"I have no fucking idea where I am, Ji-ji."

Jina was openly laughing and if they were in a face to face conversation opposed to talking on cell phones, Ember would have probably murdered her. "Check your map, moron." She chided.

A little bit sourly, Ember replied: "I can't, don't have one."

"Oh dear Lord…" Jina sighed into the phone, still unable to hide her humor. "Well, I guess you're going to have to drive until you find a sign and follow it."

"I'm lost in bum fuck Egypt and that's your advice? Ji-ji, if I get murdered by some backwater redneck mother fuckers, it'll be all your fault."

"And I shall feel guilty about it, but since you're not likely to die or anything… I'm going to keep on laughing. Where are you now?"

"Pulled over, talking to you."

"Well at least you're not driving and talking at the same time." There was a hint of disapproval in Jina's voice, that was one habit of Em's she couldn't stand.

"Well, I would've but these roads turn all over the place and there are trees everywhere, one might jump out at me or some shit."

"You know-" Jina was cut off by Ember's loud scream. "Emmy?"

Ember had one hand over her now racing heart, the cell phone laying discarded on the passenger seat since she had sort of flung it away from her and was busy glaring at the man who had suddenly shown up at her own window.

"EMBER!"

Scowling, she reached for the phone, blatantly engaging the auto locks on the doors. "I'll call you back."

_Don't look at me  
__Don't look at me  
__Oh if you don't like what you see  
__You don't have to look at me  
__Hmmm  
__If you don't, if you don't, if you don't, if you don't like what you see  
__Then you don't have to look at me_

Jeff Hardy hadn't been able to help himself. He had been ambling through the woods on his way to his brother's house when he had seen the cherry red corvette park alongside the road. His natural curiosity -not to mention that was a damn gorgeous car- had made him approach.

A woman with a lot of black hair twisted into ringlets had been on a cell phone, her pale face pinched in what seemed to be frustration. She hadn't noticed him even as he walked by the hood of her car, dragging his fingers along the finish, though he was careful not to smudge it.

Now that he had scared her good and proper, she was giving him a look that told him right where he could go. H-E-double hockey stick, and damn if she didn't look cute doing it.

Cotton candy pink lips with a sheen of gloss, large brownish-green eyes framed by extremely long eyelashes and both these pretty features were showing him nothing but spite.

"You. Are. A. Fucking. Jerk." She mouthed each word through the pane of glass that separated them.

He shrugged, offering her an apologetic grin, waiting for the softening of features that usually accompanied his smile. He was a looker too, if he did say so himself.

It didn't happen.

As if she had determined he wasn't truly psychotic, she opened the door. Fast, and hard. If he hadn't leapt backwards, he would have been knocked down by it.

Denim cut off shorts that frayed at the hems and a checked red and white sleeveless shirt. What gave away her country look was the knee high combat boots. He swallowed hard, the tips looked like they had a bit of steel in them.

"Where the hell is this forsaken place?" She demanded, balling her hands into fists and planting them on her hips.

"Just outside of Cameron." Jeff tried flashing his smile again, this time rewarded with a grudging smile in return. "You must be lost."

"Sure am."

"Whereabouts you headed?"

"Raleigh."

"Damn girl… you are definitely going out of your way." He eyeballed her, and then her car. "City girl, huh?"

"You a country boy?"

"Half and half, you?"

"I'm something else entirely."

He believed her.

_Oh  
__You don't have to look at me  
__Oh  
__If you don't like, if you don't like, if you don't like  
__Then you don't have to look at me  
__Ah_


End file.
